Please, I Beg You, Do Not Fuck Up My Timeline With 280 Characters Of Bullshit

I’m a simple man. Father. Husband. Designer. Coffee enthusiast. Twitter user. as well as I beg you: Please. Do not ruin Twitter with 280 characters of bullshit. Please. Do not fuck This particular up.

I just want a thing on my phone I can open up while I’m taking a shit or riding the subway (literally, after I typed the first sentence of This particular, I went to go take a shit inside the office bathroom as well as read some tweets while shitting) as well as see some funny jokes or maybe a link to a news article. This particular can be what I need Twitter for in my life. Here can be the problem with 280 characters:

I don’t want to open Twitter as well as see a fucking BLOG. I want to scan some idiot bullshit jokes as quickly as possible, not massive blocks of text.

Lots of people say in which Twitter can be already a cesspool of misery. This particular’s overrun by Nazis as well as This particular can’t get a handle on harassment. On top of in which, This particular’s just a nonstop agony machine, full of bad news, as well as populated by pompous blowhards who are deluded by the social media reinforcement feedback loop into thinking in which the entire world wants to hear their opinions about every fart in which escapes inside the atmosphere. Well, true. yet I am willing to accept Twitter for all This particular because occasionally you get This particular:

I know what you’re thinking: This particular isn’t me — I will be the one who uses 280 characters for Great. I won’t be the bad one. Well, the problem isn’t just in which you’re bad (you are, yet in which’s another discussion). This particular’s just in which This particular will clog up the eyeball scan rate for everyone else. Please, do not do This particular. If you have something to say in which can be much longer than 140 characters, you can do a thread. The thread can be great because This particular’s genuinely stupid as well as embarrassing to do, so This particular has the built-in limitation of humiliation. Or, are you a celebrity addressing some sort of scandal? in which’s what the notes app can be for!

Please, I beg you. I have very little to live for except enjoying jokes on my phone. I need This particular. I need Twitter to not be a nightmare wall of text. Respect my feed. Use some restraint. Do not post 280.

Katie Notopoulos can be a senior editor for BuzzFeed News as well as can be based in brand new York. Notopoulos writes about tech as well as internet culture can be cohost of the Internet Explorer podcast.

Contact Katie Notopoulos at katie@buzzfeed.com.

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